How to help someone change

If you treat an individual as he is, he will stay as he is, but if you treat him as if he were what he ought to be and could be, he will become what he ought to be and could be

What do you do if someone you care about is doing (or not doing ) what “you know” is not good for them,or for you.  Why don’t people just do what is best for them or listen to “reason”.

Coaching deals with this all the time. it could be anything… drug use, poor diet, bad relationships , watching too much television, the list is endless.  What do we do to help those we care about find their way?

  1. First of all, is this a problem for them?  Or just for you?  If it is only a problem for you…. Then you are the one that needs to do the changing.
  2. Are you helping the negative situation continue in some way?  Have you offered to support someone when you know they should be self sufficient?  What’s the message you’re giving them?
  3. Let go of what we can’t control or change.   This idea was revolutionary to me when I first learned it and in my mind, it saved me a lot of hardship.  I HAD to let go of controlling and judging others.
  4. Take care of yourself.  After all it is something that you can actually do.  Look to see if there is something  you can change to make yourself happier..  Strategies that have worked for me… Joining  a book group or just getting together with friends, taking a course or taking up a hobby.
  5. Believe in the person’s ability to do well.  It’s amazing that when we believe a person can succeed, they will often rise to the occasion.  If we see the potential of a person, they will see it in themselves.  “We do a disservice to people when we make them feel that they are not equipped to adapt” Aimee Mullins, Ted Talk

“Human systems grow and move in the direction of what we study most deeply, frequently, authentically.” Dr David Cooperrider

img_3468Have you struggled with trying to change another. I would love to hear your story. Thanks for listening.


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